The Crucial Role of Intimacy in Trying to Conceive
“I love you. I miss you. Hey, I’ve got some flowers for you. Let’s go out for dinner tonight!” How long has it been since you surprised your partner with a dinner date? How long has it been since you had an open heart conversation about how your day went by? We have all got busy in our ambitious lives, gotten into a culture of work first, family next. I often find couples getting engrossed in building their careers forgetting the essence of a beautiful relationship they’ve built with each other.Through this blog I’ll tell you how intimacy in trying to conceive can not only strengthen your relationship but also potentially improve your chances of success.
Understanding Intimacy: More Than Just Physical Closeness
The American Psychological Association defines intimacy as “an interpersonal state of extreme emotional closeness such that each party’s personal space can be entered by any of the other parties without causing discomfort to that person.”
It’s about paying attention to the details. Have you felt the butterflies in your tummy when your partner gives the sweetest comment – ‘hey you look good today’ , remember this one ?? When was the last time you heard it ?? While you were dating ?? Yesterday ?? Today ?? before leaving for work ??
Why is intimacy so important in your journey of Trying to Conceive ? When you grow old with your soulmate, you pass through various phases in life. Phase of crush, being their best friend, lover, wife and beyond. Some couples may or may not have one or more of these transitioning phases. They say it takes a long time for intimacy to develop and longer for it to fade. Having a child is one of the most important decisions in a couple’s life. 1 in 6 couples find it difficult to conceive in the first few attempts and this rate of sub fertility is only going to increase over time.
In due course of this journey couples find it really hard to keep the sparkle alive. It doesn’t feel like one of those laid back evenings where you can just hang out with each other sipping wine. The pressure to conceive, especially for couples taking fertility treatment, is extremely high. Most of the patients who walk into my office with complaints of difficulty in trying to conceive are constantly on sympathetic high, that is high levels of cortisol, adrenaline in the body.
The Science Behind Intimacy and Fertility
Sympathetic vs. Parasympathetic Responses
Our body is majorly run by 2 different kinds of responses – sympathetic and parasympathetic. Understand these nervous systems like the balance of nature. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Every organ in the body is controlled by the action of these two nervous systems with equal and opposite reactions. If you are deprived of food, your body gives you hunger cues. Once you eat, the cues settle, the body is pushed into digestive and assimilative mode. If you are faced with a threat, your body gets pushed into a fight or flight mode and those responses are unbelievably strong when demanded.
Why are we talking about fight or flight or sympathetic response? Well. In order for the conception to happen, the reproductive organs have to work without being devoid of calm and composure. Being in sympathetic mode is like being on your toes, all the time! a body in sympathetic high always perceives threat/ danger and shuts off everything that seems like unnecessary or not-life demanding. reproduction is one of the least preferred tasks of the body when it perceives threat or a sympathetic high.
The Role of Hormones in Intimacy and Conception
Feeling intimate with your partner, releases the love hormone. Also called as oxytocin, the happy hormones I.e endorphins, reduces the sympathetic drive, pushes our body into parasympathetic drive which brings about actions which are equal and opposite to fight or flight. Your ovaries feel good and do good. Sperms have better quality. blood circulation to the uterus improves as the blood vessels that supply it dilate.
Balancing Romance and Reproduction
The Pitfalls of Aggressive Approaches
Yes, sex is important to conceive. If that’s not there, there’s probably no pregnancy. keeping it aggressive because that’s your passion is wonderful. Yes, it can get you pregnant too. But you are never at an advantage of getting pregnant with super aggressive sex, cuz in that case you are definitely rushing it!
Cultivating Emotional Connection
Start enjoying small things. start cuddling. Spend more time in foreplay. Communicate. That’s the hottest thing in a relationship. Make love, rather than having sex. Sexual intimacy can make each other feel desired, validation of attraction especially when it’s initiated by one of them which can prove to be the most affirmative reaction. It can also increase variety and spontaneity in the love life, keeping things exciting and unpredictable. Over all, it deepens the emotional connection and strengthens the bond!
10 Ways to Enhance Intimacy While Trying to Conceive
Here are 10 ways to increase intimacy in trying to conceive journey:
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Step out of your comfort zone and try something new. Could be a new genre of TV show, new cuisine, new place, new gym, new physical activity. Something that's new to the both of you so you can fall back to each other. It sparks a bit of excitement, and if it so happens that you love the new activity, you would spend all day or all week to do it together!
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Write a gratitude journal with your partner. I have been a big fan of gratitude journals and have been doing it for years now. No matter how tough a day has been sitting and counting my blessings makes me truly believe that tomorrow is always a better day! And it's very important to feel the positive energy for your body to cope from stress.
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Relive those good memories from the past. Talk about those days when you were lovers, happy go lucky kind of people. Reminisce those old days.
- Touch each other more often. Hold hands together. It's the sweetest thing. Take pictures holding hands.
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I'm not a fan of scheduled sex, but if I don't talk about dedicating time for sex, I would be feeding a half baked cake. Schedule sex to increase your intimacy, not to get pregnant. you need it. Your body needs it and your partner needs it. it may seem a bit unromantic as you read this, but scheduled sex actually opens up erogenous connections in your brain. And when you consistently do it, it paves way for a more spontaneous love making! More sex is definitely more chances of pregnancy.
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Provide and protect your partner. Not just in terms of finances. Be there for them and support them in all aspects of health.
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Encourage vulnerability between each other. Take this with a pinch of lemon. I believe that one needs to be vulnerable with their partner in order to feel understood and accepted. It may seem uncomfortable sharing these conversations of insecurity, if there are any, feelings of hurt etc. only after finding the best way to communicate and have the most uncomfortable conversations one becomes victorious in handling their relationship.
- Text often. Not a text person, call before you have a meal. stay connected throughout the day.
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Acknowledge. Appreciate. You would never really know the amount of effort they've put through to get there. A 'thank you, love' goes a long way. 'Hey sweetheart, you look amazing today' brings back those butterflies in tummy. So, always acknowledge every change.
- Last but not the least, have a life outside of the relationship. Do not deny your individual needs or expect your partner to fulfill them all for you. Spend time with friends, engage in activities that you are passionate about. You don't have to do every single thing under the sun as a couple.
If you have come until this, I’m sure you loved reading it. Please take a bit of effort to share this with someone struggling to conceive as intimacy has always and will always play a major role in the TTC journey.
Final Thoughts
Intimacy in trying to conceive is not just about physical closeness; it’s about nurturing your emotional bond as well. By prioritizing your connection with your partner, you create a supportive environment that can help reduce stress and potentially improve your chances of conception. Remember, the journey to parenthood is as much about strengthening your relationship as it is about creating a new life.
